I recently bought a Stethoscope but I can't hear the heart beats when I place the device in my ears...?

Well, the obvious answer is that you are trying to hear the heartbeats of zombies. Which of course if fruitless. Find a shotgun immediately and head for the mall. The resistance is counting on you to help ward off the impending zombie holocaust!

Haha, maybe your stethoscope is just broken.

two possibilities ...

a) your heart is not beating probably bcoz you've not yet fallen in love. (thats when they say ..my heart's beating for you !!!)

b) i thought stethoscope as a device should be placed on the heart rather than in the ears !!!

I've got an erection from reading that.

just put it close 2 ur heart or something like in the middle of ur chest

Does your stethoscope have two sides? It should turn and "click" into place. One side is flat, the other is somewhat bell shaped. The flat shape is used most often but the bell shaped side can be used for sounds like heart murmurs, etc. Anyway ... if the stethoscope isn't "clicked" into place properly you won't hear anything from either side. The only other possibility I can think of is that your ear pieces don't fit properly. Most stethoscopes include extra ear pieces ... try the smaller pieces first. The larger pieces can "fill" your ear canal and prevent you from hearing.
Practice with your own heart beat first until you learn how to position the stehoscope properly.
I hope that works for you ... Good luck.

it is because you are actually sticking it up the anus of the person, the heart is located in the chest...

Try putting it on your own heart first. It is much easier to hear your own heart beat since you know where your heart is and you can feel your heart beat. After you got accustomed to what a heart beat sounds like, then try it again on another person.

Try not to move when you attempt to listen because when the stethoscope tubes rub, they make a lot of distracting noises. Just hold the diaphragm of the stethoscope in place for a few seconds and zone out all the other sounds. Good luck!

1. Make sure that when you put the ear pieces into your ears they are pointing forward, towards your face.
2. If the steth is one that turns at the diaphragm/bell, make sure you have it turned the correct way.
3. Keep the diaphragm as still as you can when using it to limit rubbing sounds

Try placing it in the very middle of the chest, between the nipples.  The heart should be easier to hear here, near the atria.