This excerpt was adapted from
Reviving Ophelia
written by Mary Pipher, PH.D.
Chapter 14
Margaret grew up in the Northwest, where her father worked at a steel mill and her mother was a homemaker. She and her brother, Neal, attended school a block from their home and explored the nearby woods with the neighbor kids. With puberty, several things happened at once. Neal distanced himself from Margaret, her mother spent many evening a week with her charismatic prayer group and her father grew disenchanted with the marriage.
Before, Margaret had never worried about who was popular or attractive, but with puberty everything changed. Her body developed rapidly and soon she was tall and full-breasted. As she put it, “I had the biggest boobs of any girl in junior high.” All of the sudden her looks mattered. Boys who played games with her and Neal were suddenly looking at her breasts and making suggestive remarks.
Earlier, she had had two close friends and got on well with other girls. Now Kim and Marsha changed the situation. They picked scapegoats and encouraged the other girls to scorn their unlucky choices. The girls agreed because they were afraid that if they didn’t they would be next.
At first Margaret went along with these girls. “I knew it was wrong,” she said. “I was frightened of being their next victim.” But soon Margaret was picked as the scapegoat, ostensibly because she was flirty, but more likely because she was popular with the boys and inspired jealousy. Also, she was a good student.
She was shunned by all the girls in her class, including her two close friends. No one would walk by her, sit by her or talk to her. If a girl accidentally touched Margaret she would rush to another girl and “rub” off the germs”. That girl would then rush to another girl with the germs and so on.
Margaret wanted to tell her family, but Neal no longer had time for her. He was off with his friends or on the phone to his girlfriend. Her parents were preoccupied-her mother with her prayer group, her father with his work. She doubted they would understand. She had never lied to her parents, but she faked illness so that she could miss school. She claimed her stomach hurt and that she had no appetite.
Margaret lost ten pounds in a month. Her mother would sit by her bed, read to her and beg her to drink tea. She loved the attention. Margaret promised herself that she would never go to school again. She decided to be as sick as she needed to be to keep that promise. When her mother suggested she return to school, she faked pain and writhed on the floor.
Her mother carried her to the doctor’s office and he admitted Margaret to the hospital. For three days she was tested and observed, and then she was released undiagnosed. When her mother suggested she return to school, Margaret claimed she was having double vision and might be going blind.
Her mother took her to a neurologist to check for a brain tumor. The neurologist referred her to an ophthalmologist, who was the only one to call her bluff. After the eye tests he said, “Young lady, I don’t know why you are doing this, but you are lying. I’m going to tell that to your parents and doctors.” He did tell, but Margaret seemed so sick that no one believed him.
Margaret’s mother took her to her charismatic prayer group, where an exorcism was performed. One woman told her, “There’s an evil spirit in you, a spirit full of fear.” The women surrounded her, prayed in tongues and chanted until Margaret burst into tears.
She sobbed that she hated the evil that was in her. The group assured her that their prayers had removed the evil, just like surgery would. Margaret didn’t believe them.
By now it was Christmas and Margaret hadn’t attended school since early October. She decided to but the girls in her class Christmas presents. Hoping to bribe her way in, Margaret carefully selected expensive bath salts for Kim and Marsha.
She was tired of being sick, of lying to her parents and of doctor’s offices. After vacation and her gift giving, Margaret tried school again. The boy’s sexual remarks and the girls with their shunning were still there. She endured two days of scorn and told her parents, “I won’t go back. I’ll die if you make me go back.”
Her parents tried everything-bullying, bribing, reasoning and pleading to no avail. Finally they took her to a psychiatrist, whom Margaret hated. She described him as a middle aged man in a suit and tie who sat behind a heavy desk and lectured her on responsibility. Later he told her parents she was spoiled and insisted she be in school. Her mother had the horrible job of enforcing his orders. Every day she pulled Margaret out of bed and dressed her. Most days Margaret drooped passively as her mom put ion her skirts and cashmere sweaters. Sometimes Margaret fought her and yelled obscenities. Her mother slapped her and cried. She carried her downstairs and out to the car. Margaret sobbed all the way to school. Then, when they pulled up at the school, she flashed her mother a look of hatred and went it.
Margaret threatened suicide. One day she jumped out of the car. Another day she swallowed a box of Ex-Lax. Finally one Saturday, she ran away from home. It was a snowy day and she walked deep into the woods. She sat down under a tree far off the walking path and waited to die. Snow drifted around her. A rabbit approached and wrinkled his nose in her direction. At twilight people came searching for her and she bit her hand to keep herself from calling for help. She grew numb from the cold and could no longer move her legs and arms. Watching the starry winter sky, she fell asleep. At midnight a neighbor found her and carried her home. Monday, her parents and psychiatrist made her go back to school.
Finally the school intervened and recommended a new therapist
• Psychodynamic Therapy
• How would this form of therapy view the problem?
• Where would you look for causes?
• What interventions would this form of therapy use with Margaret?
• What is needed to improve this situation?
• Behavioral Therapy
• How would this form of therapy view the problem?
• Where would you look for causes?
• What interventions would this form of therapy use with Margaret?
• What is needed to improve this situation?
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