The guilt that working parents feel over not giving their children enough personal time and attention is, in many instances, morally appropriate. The view that absence-related guilt feelings are generally irrational and inappropriate rests on failure to acknowledge the moral foundations of guilt feelings and a narrow conception of parents' obligations.
- Guilt feelings cannot be understood apart from unsatisfied moral ideals.
Feelings of unhappiness, regret or anxiety can exist independently of feelings of guilt and need make no reference to unsatisfied moral ideals.
It is a mistake, therefore, to explain guilt feelings in terms of unhappiness, regret or anxiety.
- Whether or not guilt feelings are morally appropriate depends on the moral appropriateness of the underlying moral ideal.
If the underlying moral ideal is appropriate then feelings of guilt can play a positive role inasmuch as they encourage conduct that affirms important moral values.
We should not, therefore, simply seek to eliminate guilt feelings, but rather evaluate the moral ideal behind the guilt feelings and how, if that ideal is morally appropriate, we can live our lives more in accordance with it.
- Many parents hold as an ideal that they should be concerned not only with the physical, intellectual and social skills children need to develop, but also with their developing deep personal relationships of love.
Alternative caregivers cannot be expected to provide the commitment that is essential to such relationships.
Parents are in a unique position to develop deep personal relationships of love with their children, but this can only occur if they are prepared to spend a great deal of time with their children.
It is therefore appropriate for parents holding this ideal to feel guilty if they have structured their lives so that they do not have the time they feel they should devote to their children.
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