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Depression or depressive symptoms
Family history of mental illness
Suicide of a family member or friend
Personality traits such as hopelessness, helplessness, impulsivity, and aggression
Alcohol use and binge drinking
Ineffective problem solving and coping skills
Recent sexual or physical victimization; being in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship
Family problems
Trauma or chronic stress
Feelings of loneliness or social isolation
Harassment because of sexual orientation
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I must be loved and appreciated by every significant person in my life. In fact, pleasing all the people in your life is impossible. This irrational belief is one of the most common causes of stress and misery.
In order to feel worthwhile, I must be competent, successful, and almost perfect in every aspect of life. No human being can live up to this standard, which leads to stress, self-blame, and lower self-esteem. Simply strive to do your best and learn from your failures.
Some people are evil and wicked and should be punished severely. While certain behaviors may be inappropriate or antisocial, it is not up to you to judge or punish others. Only they can change the way they act.
Not having things go the way I want is catastrophic and awful. Therapists call this the spoiled-child syndrome. Having a tantrum every time you don't get what you want accomplishes nothing more than stressing yourself and irritating others.
People cannot control their happiness or unhappiness. You may have limited control over external events and other people, but you can control your own thoughts, emotions, and behavior.
One should keep dwelling on the possibility that something terrible may occur. Constant anxiety about the unknown or uncertain has no impact on what actually happens and adds unnecessary stress to your life.
It is easier to avoid life's difficulties than tackle them head on. Ducking responsibility may seem easier than dealing with problems in the short run but it only leads to greater stress in the long term.
Your past behavior determines how you behave now and in the future. You may habitually act or react a certain way, but you can identify the behaviors that didn't serve you well in the past and learn from them.
You absolutely need something or someone stronger than you to rely on. Rather than protecting you from stress, total dependence on others makes you feel weak and vulnerable.
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One way we try to make sense of why things happen and why people do the things they do is by attributing events and behaviors to various causes. Often people explain others' behavior by attributing it to internal factors, such as personality traits. If someone explodes in anger, for example, we may attribute the rage to a bad temper. When we interpret our own behavior, we tend to make external attributions to situational or environmental factors. If you lash out at a waiter who knocks over a glass of water, you may attribute your outburst to the server's clumsiness rather than your irritability.
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All too often, expectations turn into self-fulfilling prophecies, in part because they filter what you notice or ignore in daily life. We base expectations on past experiences. If we expect a certain strategy will yield success and it does, our expectations are confirmed. If we expect a certain strategy will yield success and it does not, we may feel out of control and uncertain about what to expect in the future. Under those circumstances, we will experience stress.
Expectations also affect your relationships because they announce to the world what you anticipate, which affects how others respond to you. People assume that you know yourself better than anyone. If you're self-confident, they let you take the lead. If you seem passive and compliant, someone will rush to exert control over you.
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The prefrontal cortex is in the frontal lobe. It regulates cognitive processes such as planning and problem-solving and functions as the center for postponing gratification, self-discipline, and emotional regulation. Because this is the last part of the brain to mature fully, stress may have a greater impact on the prefrontal cortex of those under age 25. At any age, stress affects both the structure and function of the prefrontal cortex by causing neurons to atrophy and by disconnecting circuits.
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