An interpersonal conflict is a disagreement between or among connected individuals who perceive their goals as incompatible: close friends, lovers, colleagues, and family members.
Interpersonal conflict occurs when people:
- are interdependent (meaning they are connected, and what one person does impacts the other)
- are mutually aware that their goals are incompatible (one person will achieve while the other will not)
- perceive each other as interfering with the attainment of their own goals.
For example: You are out with a close friend, and you both want to do a different activity; however, you have a very limited amount of time. There's not enough time to do both activities, so you must decide which activity to do. Obviously one person will get what they want while the other does not.
There are five principles of interpersonal conflict.1. Conflict is inevitable--It is a part of every interpersonal relationship. One study found that on average couples have 182 conflicts per year, which is approximately 3.5 conflicts a week, with each lasting approximately 25 minutes long, and another 30 minutes to sulk. Just because you have conflict doesn't mean your relationship is in jeopardy either. It just means that you have a relationship.
2. Conflict can have negative and positive effects -- It's all about the way you deal with conflict.
Negative effects:Often leads to increased negative regard for the opponent.
May deplete energy better spent elsewhere.
May lead you to hide feelings or close yourself off from a more intimate relationship.
Rewards may become more difficult to exchange leading to dissolution.
Positive effects:Forces you to examine a problem and work toward a solution.
May emerge with a stronger relationship.
Enables you to state your needs.
Often prevents hostilities from festering.
Emphasizes the relationship is worth the effort.
3. Conflict can focus on content and/or relationship issues--Content conflict focuses on objects, events, and persons usually external to the people involved in the conflict. Relationship conflict focuses on a concern with relationship issues such as who is in charge. These issues are often hidden or disguised as content conflicts.
4. Conflict styles have consequences--There are five basic styles of engaging in conflict. When you compete, the person who loses concludes the conflict hasn't been resolved, just concluded for now. When you avoid, the conflict festers and probably grows, which will likely resurface later on. Accommodating means that you sacrifice your own needs to maintain harmony, but your needs are not likely going to go away. Compromising maintains the peace, but there will still be dissatisfaction over the losses endured. Collaborating is the ideal style.
5. Conflict is influenced by culture--Each culture has a different way of dealing with conflict as well as having different topics in which a conflict is about. Conflicts change depending on whether the culture is a high or low context culture, and they also have different views of what conflict strategies should be used.
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